I'm starting a business, which rules, but leaves me uncertain on a regular basis of whether or not I'll have any money. It also doesn't leave any room for self-doubt, laziness, fear, or anything else that could keep a person from maintaining their word. I'm completely responsible for my own success ... if I do a poor job, I won't eat. It raises the stakes. No more lifeless office jobs.
This weekend, I filmed an Indian woman's anniversary party. It was really wonderful, and they gave me a bunch of free food. I've been eating a lot of beef lately ... Colombian, Indian. Whenever I eat beef, I feel like I haven't eaten in years. I think, "Oh, this is food." Rafael and I eat beef, and lay in bed gazing at each other lovingly. We feed each other beef and lick each others fingers. Nothing is sexier than red, raw beef.
Stephen Elliot, my most recent favorite writer says, "Here's what makes me think I'm not kinky anymore. This time, instead of thinking about my father and all the bad stuff that happened when I was younger, I'm thinking about what she looks like fucking me. I'm also thinking about a hamburger and a chocolate shake. I'm being fucked and it feels really good and I'm thinking, Oh man, I would love a chocolate shake right now. It's a deep hunger, a deep sex hunger. That's not just normal, that's all-American."
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2 comments:
That's such a you quote.
I just finished the book. And that was one of my favorite parts... the journey to becoming consensual, with himself, with his past, with his partners. It was really hard to read, and really worth it in the end - honest. authentic. validating. It was like he just came alive or something. And yo I love that sex hunger...
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