Laurita

I was really thankful to her, for taking time to ask me things. Adults are so much more complicated. We have histories to share, people to discuss, former loves and losses. Politics. It's been said before, but it doesn't matter: People know much more about politics in the U.S. than the U.S. knows about politics anywhere else.

She asked me questions in Spanish that I could understand, like, "How many floors does your apartment have? Do you like to swim? What's your favorite color?" Her eyes were green with brown speckles and she had black hair. She said that I was pretty, and I thought the same thing about her.

Laurita's mom was 9-months pregnant, and she glowed with happiness. Told us about the time that Juan Carlos, her husband, had to wipe shit from her shoe. The story goes that afterwards, he asked her to marry him. He said, "Listen, now I've wiped your shit. What more do you want?"

Sometimes we do this. Sometimes I do this - make Rafael wipe my shit.

People say that Colombians are a little rougher. Talk a little tougher, dirtier. Rafael reports that, when he was younger, little kids used to give him a hard time because his mother is Colombian. It's amazing that they didn't make fun of him for being born out of wedlock, and his last name being "Bastardo." Actually, "Bastardo-Quinto," which means "The Fifth Bastard." Rafael is the fifth born from his mother, too.

Kids make fun of the weirdest things. I was never bullied for my hearing disability or my last name being a body-part. I was made fun of for being so serious.

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The family fed me parts of the cow I didn't know existed, and let me know that I'd be ready to get pregnant when I came home. When I think of myself as an insecure child, I don't want kids. I don't want the agony of knowing that, no matter what I do, I won't be able to protect him or her from the hard parts of the world. The hurtful parts. The broken hearts, more than the broken teeth.

Then there's Laurita, with her notes that said, "Never forget me, Sarah." Her agony appeared when we boarded the car for the airport. Tears streamed down her face ... and maybe it's this. Maybe I don't know if I can ever be accountable to a child.